"Just because after one date he texts me several times an hour after i drop him off and then proceeds to call 10+ times into the night leaving frantically desperate messages, only to later yell at me over the phone and call me 'salacious' for turning down his romantic one-night-stand hotel invitation, only to THEN threaten to kill himself because i told him I wasn't interested... doesn't mean I shouldn't date him."

classic case of pheromones gone wrong. like, really fucking wrong.

the misogynist.

"Just because he can't shut up about how much he hates his mom and that she's nothing but a drunk slut and how he's okay with never speaking to her again and how much I and every girlfriend he's ever had reminds him of her... doesn't mean I shouldn't date him."

guys: your mama brought you into this world. she can sure as hell take you out.

the pig.

"just because he offered to pay for a boob job that i didn't even want or ask for, only to later redact his offer for fear that other guys might actually start to like me, because, you know, guys wouldn't notice me otherwise... doesn't mean i shouldn't date him."

let me guess: big ego, tiny dick.

the man-child.

“Just because he clings to me at every moment and cannot interact socially in any capacity and doesn’t know how to cook using anything other than a microwave and doesn’t know how to balance a checkbook and wants to be held at every opportunity and cries every time I want to go somewhere without him... doesn’t mean I shouldn’t date him.”

perhaps his diaper was on too tight?

the purist.

“Just because he is 27 years old and thinks keeping himself a virgin is an actual gift for his future wife when you know that ‘gift’ really means ‘total lack of technique’ and ‘two minutes in the honeymoon suite’... doesn’t mean I shouldn’t date him.”

vibrators make better gifts. sayin'.

the pity party.

“Just because his mom abandoned him at age 14, then his dad abandoned him at age 18, and all his girlfriends/fiancés up until the age of 29 abandoned him, which makes him convinced I'm screwing 16 other guys all at once and monitors my every activity like the CIA but without skinny ties and sunglasses and responds to everyday stimulus with whiny self-pity that makes me want to drive spikes into his eyes 97% of the time... doesn’t mean i shouldn’t date him.”

the lack of skinny ties was the obvious deal breaker here.

the gamer.

"just because we met online while playing rpg's and he lives eight states away with his fiance whom he hates and he spends all hours of the day and night chatting me up and flirting with me while he constantly complains about how she is a lazy sack of shit and that he's so glad he met me and he's developing feelings for me even though we have yet to meet in person... doesn't mean i shouldn't date him."

both of you. get a life.

the mama's boy.

“Just because he says ‘I love you’ the second time I meet him, still lives at home with his mom, has a weekend job at a video game store, and has the attention span of a fly... doesn’t mean I shouldn’t date him.”

seriously? ew.

the novice.

"just because at 23 he still doesn't know where the clit is... doesn't mean i shouldn't date him."

that's just sad.

the sociopath.

“just because all of his ex-girlfriends hate him/are afraid of him and think he needs counseling and he owns a gun that he keeps loaded by his bed and he fed me drinks until I was blind only to pick a fight with me and choke me out while drunk causing me not to be able to swallow properly for weeks and then cheats on me with multiple girls and comes back crying and begging for forgiveness... doesn’t mean I shouldn’t date him.”

mom & dad would be proud.

the lunatic.

"just because he crawls into bed at 5am reeking of liquor and gets all creepy all up in my grill and whispers in my ear that i'm a 'fucking cunt' because i sent him a passive aggressive text reminding him that he'd said he wasn't going to be out 'too late' and then he proceeds to tell me how irresponsible and crappy i am as a human being and how i never pay my bills, which i do, and that i'm super materialistic, which i'm not, and threatens to kick me out of his sister-in-law's apartment, who by the by, is listening in completely appalled, and he then proceeds to make me cry for the next 5 hours until i fall asleep exhausted... doesn't mean i shouldn't date him."

wow. speechless. i'm... wow.

the liar.

"just because he's unemployed without a license and is mooching off of me and drives my car without my permission to go buy/sell weed (and then uses it as an excuse to get cash money for christmas) and uses my computer to mack on girls and tells them he's living with his crazy girlfriend while making excuses as to why he's unemployed and without a license and lying about the fact that he's a pathological liar and his entire family and friends and even ex-girlfriend have warned me as to what a hazard he is to humanity at large...doesn't mean i shouldn't date him."

come on, now. we're better than this.